She is me

Last night Lil threw one of her temper tantrums that are happening more and more lately. Wanna guess what it was about... Her pajamas. She wasn't happy with the selection I gave her which was none because all her others were dirty. So of course her only logical response is to throw a fit. I got mad, I always get mad. I hate that she throws a fit over the stupidest things why not throw a fit when like someone eats the last poptart or drinks the last thing of juice? That's totally when I would do it (except I do it when someone eats the rest of my ice cream or drinks the last of my beer- yes I'm an adult who has thrown a tantrum over that and its a perfectly natural response when you are a fat person trapped in a skinny persons body! So lay off!)

Anyways.... So while Lil was throwing her epic uncalled for tantrum I realized something. I realized why she makes me so *$&#%#%#&#%#%@&&%#%&-# mad (That was all my curse words fyi). Its because she is me. She is the monster my parents created when I was really sick many years ago and no it wasn't intentional but it happened. And even though I've mostly grown out of being that person somehow that part of me transferred to my kid. Maybe I threw a fit when I was pregnant with her? I don't know. Or maybe she's just an egg that has lived inside me for my whole life and she got to experience everything I went through and it rubbed off on her? I don't know how it happened but it did. So when she acts like that I get mad, so freaking mad! This is the irrational person my parents dealt with starting at the ripe age of 5? So my curse is that instead of a kid starting at 5 she started from birth? Why why why did my mom have to curse me like that!?! And what in the name of everything am I supposed to do with this kid? Because when that attitude comes out I'm pretty sure my 5 year old self comes out in me too.

I'm sure Mike finds that super attractive. A grown woman and an almost three year old going head to head to see who gives in first. FYI the answer is nobody. Neither of us give in, one of us just gets removed and not by choice. Just watching act like that her makes me see red. How can this kid go insane over the dumbest things? How can I or anybody put up with her when she acts like that!? The answer is I ignore her. I let her scream and fight and I hold her down to put her pajamas on. And in public I drag her to the bathroom in Universal while she is kicking and screaming. I endure all the horrible looks from all the other people as they watch me drag my kid by her arms all because she wants daddy to take her to the bathroom and not me. Call us terrible parents but we would rather her not see that many penises that are in a mens bathroom in her childhood. Sure we could just let Mike take her into the bathroom to avoid the fit but who would I be to give in to an almost 3 year old over a bathroom? Someone who probably doesn't know how to pick her battles that's who. But in the end of both of those incidents I got what I wanted and after a few minutes she calmed down.

So whats the moral of the story? Well she who throws the fit first always wins? And I started throwing fits loooooong before she was born. So she has a lot of catching up to do to try to beat me...

I wonder why I'm so stressed all the time...

Im not beautiful

I know most people, girls especially have these complexes about themselves. We are constantly putting ourselves down or picking on something we don't like about ourselves. I'm no different. I'm constantly berating myself about some stupid insecurity I have for no reason at all. I'm afraid of my body changing in any number of ways, especially with age. I don't think I look beautiful let alone without makeup. It's hard for me to look at myself and be happy with what I see. Sometimes I don't hate myself as much as others. Some days I can even say I'm happy with what I see... With underwear and a bra on.

I'm always putting myself down making it hard for Mike to pay me a simple complement without me breaking it down and wondering if he has ulteriour motives or if he is like maybe not wearing his contacts in which case he's almost legally blind. I mean those are the only reasons he can say I'm beautiful right? It couldn't actually be because I'm beautiful. That would be crazy! I have such little belief in my beauty that I crave compliments from strangers hoping that if they say it I could actually feel beautiful about myself. That high only lasts a few minutes. Usually until I see someone who looks significantly better than me. And of course that's not hard to find.

The other day I told Mike I'm going back onto my diet and my exercise plan yet again in hopes of making myself into the girl I hope to be. (Although I'm sure if I'm honest with myself when I got to looking like whwoever I want to look like I'd still find something wrong with me.) Well Mikes response was "I'm gonna go buy you a bunch of cookie dough" and when I asked him why he said he doesn't want me to feel bad when he snacks so he just wants me to keep eating the way I am... He gave me a compliment a few weeks ago, saying I looked really beautiful that day and my response was really? I'm bloated, I have no makeup on, and my hair isn't done. What's so beautiful? So he responded with "Fine. You're ugly."

And he's right. I am ugly, so ugly. Ugly on the inside for sure. Who does that? My man pays me a compliment and I throw it in his face? What a way to get him to not give me any more compliments. Am I right? And then what will that do... Make me feel even worse about myself because he's not complementing me. Even though when he does I think he's lying. What kind of messed up world is my mind in? I crave the approval of strangers but the people who matter like myself and Mike mean nothing to me.

I know I'm not the only person out there who does this. I've read articles about this. I listen to my friends say this stuff. Its not just me. But how do we get this to stop? How will I ever accept myself? I don't know. Maybe it takes one day at a time. Maybe each day I need to tell myself one thing I like. And each day it has to be something different? I don't know if I'll ever be able to change my views on myself without completely changing myself but man do I need to try. I'm tired of these negative thoughts all the time. And for what? I have a good metabolism, my boobs and butt have not yet hit the floor. My thighs may be big but I've seen bigger and when I see models with my shape I'm damn proud to be in the same category shape wise. So whats stopping me from feeling proud about myself all the time? And what started these thoughts in the first place? Who knows. But hopefully I can stop this crap soon because it takes up too much time and energy to feel bad about myself all the time. So fingers crossed working one day at a time cures me!!

Men

So this morning after dropping Tyler off at school I stopped at the gas station to get gas where I got hit on. No I'm not bragging that I got hit on. Actually its quite the opposite. I mean how low does a mans standards have to be to hit on a woman who is wearing no makeup and looks like she just rolled out of bed, pumping gas, with her child, at 9am! I mean is the gas station in the morning before work the new pick up spot? God I hope not. 

You know part of me was kind of insulted. Like is he so down on his luck that he has to try picking up chicks in the morning cause his night time game sucks? Or do I really look that easy? 

Well how about the feminist part of me that's like come on dude have some damn respect. It's 9am, I'm with my kid and I'm pumping friggin gas. It's unattractive and its too early for that shit. Not to mention the huge ring on my finger that should ward off eager suitors. But that's the problem. Men like that aren't interested in dating, just adding a number to the notch on their belt. These are the day where I especially wish my ring came with a huge sign that says Do Not Approach or something like that, you know so maybe some of them get the picture.

It's moments like this morning that I think of that trending #yesallwomen that occurred after Elliott Rodgers killed those sorority girls. Because of course all women are objectified about something and god forbid we have an opinion about it. We should be thankful we are looked at regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us feel. Do you know that I actually had a man ask me once if he could be my baby daddy as I was 7 months pregnant with Lil and walking with Tyler. Like how disgusting is that? But I should be thankful that someone was interested in me right?

Wrong. Sure I like the occasional you're beautiful comment from a stranger, who doesn't? Nobody is forcing that person to say that to you. It's flattering as long as that's where it ends like "hey you're really beautiful" and then they move on. But when it turns into can we hook up or if they skip all that and just say "hey lemme holla at you". Um no thanks. But again I should be thankful for the attention. Or I should make it clear I'm not interested. Why? I'm not leading anyone on by walking around. I'm living my life and god forbid I do that around an excited man. 

Yeah so I could go on and on about this but I don't think there is a need to. It's not like I can change the way all men out there think. I can do right by my children and be thankful that Mike doesn't objectify me like that and hope that other adults of my age can teach their children to have some respect so the world doesn't go to crap in a few years.

The Final Day

Today is the day. The last day to be exact. 

Yup. Today is my last day of insurance under my dads name. Never again will I be under the incredible benefits of Federal insurance. Now, tomorrow I get to suffer through mediocre to crappy insurance like every other American. Yey me. 

I should probably have a kidney removed today so that I can use it to pay for the insurance that will rip me a new one while giving me nothing for the rest of my life. Sure there's good insurance out there but none of it is even close to what I'm used to. Where will I ever find those low copay's again? Nowhere, that's where.

That's all. I just wanted to take a minute to say how unfair it is that I have been privileged enough to have great insurance for 26 years only to have it ripped from under me. Booo

Done Tallking

Can I watch TV?

No.

Can I watch a movie?

No.

Can I play the IPad?

No. You're not watching tv, you're not playing on my phone, your not playing my iPad.

Can I play daddy's iPad?

No.

Can I play daddy's phone?

Daddy's not here and neither is his phone.

We'll can I play your phone?

This is a conversation I have with my kids everyday. If it's not about a device it's asking for something else. I say hold on a minute I'm pooping and so they bring me the remote and bang on the door because somehow I'm going to be able to turn the tv on through the toilet. If I say wait it's not dinner time they say well can I have a drink? We'll maybe a snack?

It's like what I'm saying has nothing to do with them. 

Oh you meant I wasn't aloud to have a snack twenty minutes before dinner time? We'll you should have been more specific.

Yes because saying No Tyler you can't have a snack it's almost dinner time is not specific at all.

Why should I even bother talking anymore? I'll just nod or shake my head or push their face into the plate if I want them to eat or throw their clothes at them if I want them to get dressed. Maybe if I start asking them a question a thousand times they will somehow realize they should change their answer. 

How was school today Tyler? How was school today Tyler? How was school today Tyler?

Maybe if I say it over and over he will stop saying fine or I don't know and actually give me a real answer? That must be how it works for kids right? You ask the question enough and the answers bound to change right?

So I'll just stop answering. And when I ask a question I'll ask it a hundred times. And when I want them to do something I'll just throw a tantrum until they magically understand what I was throwing a tantrum about. This all seems pretty reasonable right? We'll maybe not to an adult but it does to a kid so maybe if I start doing what they do something will finally click in their heads when I'm trying to get someone through to them.

Like oh. She asked it a thousand and one times now I can change my answer. She harassed me until I did what she wanted, I understand that. She threw a fit because she was mad I didn't do that, it took a while to figure it out but I got it. Maybe this is what they need to communicate with us. All this time we've been trying to teach them our ways but maybe before there is an understanding between both parties we must first step down to the kids level? Maybe this is the key to not killing our kids but them killing us??? It would be quite a twist...

6 things I do to bother Mike

1. Fart, yup I fart and sometimes just to tick him off I let one rip even though I could have held it in
2. Bring up stuff from the past that is no longer relevant but I just cant get it out of my freaking head
3. Twist and turn in the bed when I'm mad until he gives up trying to sleep in the room with me and goes to sleep in the other room, this is not on purpose btw I just cant sleep when I'm mad
4. Play the what do you want to eat for dinner game
5. Control where he puts every single thing in the house because I'm that OCD and have already in my mind found a place in the house where it should go
6. Complain about his farts because its just gross...insane I know but my farts don't smell as bad as his

One meal

Pick a meal. Just one. Pick a meal that you could eat everyday for a year or more. Cant do it? Me either. So how the hell does my kid survive off of this? Granted he switches between like 4 options, most of which are carbs. He refuses to try new things and I have to threaten him with no TV, an early bedtime and still it takes over an hour to get him to just TRY it. I'm not even asking him to eat a whole plate of food, just a bite of each type of food. What's so hard about this?

 

Oh and so as if he wasn't difficult enough he has now introduced this habit to his sister who used to eat sand and woodchips from the garden because she was always hungry. Now, well she isn't as bad as Tyler but she still refuses food she would have eaten before learning his bad habits. How could someone just eat a handful of different foods? If chicken nuggets was your favorite meal could you eat it every day for a month? If you can what is wrong with you? I mean I know I'm picky but at some point the same thing is just so... lame. Right?

 

So how is it my kids can survive like that? Are they just doing it because they know it upsets me? Or are they doing it because they are scared of trying new things? Or are they doing it because those few meals are just so good? I doubt its cause the meals are so good, I mean how yummy can a plain cheese sandwich be after having it a few times? I'd say one time would do it for me, yet still he keeps requesting it. And what am I supposed to do? Not feed them?

 

Should I say if you don't eat this you don't eat anything? Or should I just keep feeding them only the few things they want and hope they try new things when they grow up? I mean what the hell am I supposed to do? People have told me to make him a sandwich and put carrots or something in it... he refused to eat that. Then they say give him a milk shake its mostly milk... he only drinks some of it. I mean everything people have suggested hasn't worked.

 

I don't want to be like my dad, the man who if you didn't eat your dinner you sat in your chair all night sobbing while he yelled at you to eat until finally your mom butts in and says dinner time was 2 hours ago let her go to bed. I don't want to be that person, I wont be that person. But I don't want to let him just not eat anything healthy. Chicken nuggets, pop tarts, cheese sandwiches and carby snacks is like a meal plan to slowly kill your kid. He's barely getting any protein and no matter how many carbs he packs in its not enough to put any weight on him.

 

I am soooooooo freaking tired of fighting him to eat but what else do I do? I know I've said all this before and asked this question before but what else is there to do? And don't tell me that he just needs to be around other kids and see what they are eating. We have tried that. He doesn't care. He wants what he wants and that's it. So how do I channel his stubbornness into something out so I can shove food down his throat!?????

Meth moms

http://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-charged-controversial-law-criminalizes-drug-pregnancy/story?id=24542754

 

I'm sure a lot of you have seen this "controversial" article about a mom who was charged with assault against her unborn child for doing meth while pregnant. And I read the article and the controversy over it is that people think that if women are charged with assault for doing drugs while pregnant that less women will come forward to try to get help.

 

I don't see how punishing a woman for harming her child during birth is any different than punishing a woman for harming her child after birth. Either way the woman is consciously harming her child. She should be punished. Is it going to scare off other mothers doing narcotics while pregnant? Who knows. But should that stop them from arresting women known to be endangering their pregnant child? NO.

There are going to be people who no matter what will do drugs while pregnant. Some will come forward for help, some wont. If the woman comes forward asking for help I think things should be given help and not arrested only if they follow through with the program given to them. If a woman comes in who is in labor whose newborn is born addicted to drugs then hell yeah arrest that bitch!

Do you know how many women are out there that would kill to get pregnant!? Tons! Somehow the people who are least deserving of babies always seem to the be ones who pop out a ton of children destined for a life like their parents.

I was one of the people who looked at other pregnant women and hated them for their carefree attitude toward pregnancy. I knew a girl who was pregnant the same time I was pregnant with Tyler. She started drinking and smoking and whatever else she could because she said she was going to abort the baby anyways so why not do what she could to cause a miscarriage? She had already had at least 2 abortions. 2 abortions! I was like are you kidding me!?! Here I am praying to a God I have  barely believed in since I was 5 in hopes of being able to carry a full term baby with no problems.

Then its not like the problems ended the second we had the baby either. We were in the hospital for 3 or 4 days while she probably walked out of their the next day (yes she wound up keeping the baby). Of course her baby had no problems while I was only allowed to hold my baby to feed him and I didn't drink or do drugs or anything while pregnant. Now isn't that some shit? I had to hope for a healthy baby while she got to hope that hers magically disappeared and when it didn't she got to take her home with not a care in the world. Man what I would have given to be able to be so care free during my pregnancy. And as if the first pregnancy for me wasn't bad enough the second one was an even bigger nightmare.

So if someone were to ask me how I felt about arresting women for using drugs while pregnant I'd say throw her ass in jail. If she could be so careless with her life and an innocents than she'd deserve to rot in there. And I'd hope that while she was having her with drawls in prison someone would be there to say you deserve this because right now your baby is hooked up to a machine where they try to wean your baby off the drugs you put into his or her system.

Some might say I'm cruel for thinking this way but put yourself in my shoes. You think I want to watch someone throw theirs and their kids life away because of stupid choices they made while I have no control over the fate of mine and mine children's lives? Don't you think I would trade places with that person if I could? I would love to be in the position where the power was in my hands. Like should I do drugs today or let my kid have a healthy pregnancy? Yes I know their is more to being addicted than that but they made the choice to start the drug in the first place. They are making the choice to continue doing drugs and to not get help. They are making the choice to potentially kill an innocent life. Why should we take this crime against innocent unborn children lightly while we fight for the rights of unborn children from abortions? How is this any different?
 

It's time to scream

Phone calls.

That has got to be the most annoying problem of being a stay at home mom. BY FAR.

Who knew that making a friggin phone call could be so difficult!? Not me! Until I had kids at least. No matter their age every child finds the need to harass the parent the most while they are on the phone, this is how my kids feel the need to use my time:

Sitting down reading-silence
Eating my own meal-be slightly annoying
Going to the bathroom-be pretty annoying
Talking on the phone- look out mom! It's a tornado! A tornado! We must scream and run for our lives
Just hung up the phone-sit quietly and play a game

I can be in another room and make a phone call and somehow they know and take that moment to act like maniacs! It never fails! And the more important the phone call the bigger the emergency. Emergency of course meaning that they desperatly needed to cling to my leg and scream at how much they love me and how they are mad at the other sibling.

Almost every phone call I make I am forced to lock my bedroom door and hide in the bathroom. It's great to talk to the insurance company and probably have them thinking I'm on the toilet because that's the only place I could be that makes such an echo. I might as well flush the toilet to confirm what they already assume is happening. How embarrassing!

I look forward to the day where I can make a phone call in silence. Who the heck knows when that day will come but whatever at least I know it will come one day. As long as by then there aren't any dogs or pets or anything else to provide an annoying background sound which lets be honest once the kids are gone you get lonely and need some kind of substitution...

SAHM vs Teacher

So we all know this is one of my favorite subjects to talk about. I love how men and women have soooo many negative things to say about stay at home parents. I've read articles where moms have posted stuff like Oh I have a full time job and I come every night to make dinner, help with homework, clean, blah blah blah. Being a stay at home mom isn't really a job because all you do is just sit around all day. I have to work and then do everything when I get home, that's a real job.

 

Soooo. My question to people like you is then what do you think a teacher or a day care worker do? While you send your kids off to one of these people for them to teach your children everything they know I stay home with them teaching them everything they know. How is that any different from the job of a teacher or a day care worker? Just because its my children makes it easier? Riiiiight. Just because in between lessons I get a little housework done? How is this any different from what they do?

I for one feel this is a harder job then what you do. You go to work and then come home and deal with your children for only a few hours. You cram whatever you can into that small amount of time that you see them. Also in that small amount of time I'm guessing your kids aren't doing the amount of things at your house during the day that my kids do. I clean my house a hundred times a day because my kids are home making a mess in it. I am picking up after them all day just as a teacher would. So on top of taking care of the home I am also cleaning up the new mess they make every hour. I am the one shoving food and snacks on a plate for them. I am the one running all the errands. And you think that just because I'm home all day that at night I get to sit back and relax? Umm noooo.

I still have dinner to cook, laundry that occasionally needs to be done immediately because of a serious stain that could happen if its not taken care of. I'm still cleaning up after my kids. I'm still trying to cram tons of things in at the end of each night and going to bed each night with a list of things on my mind that I have to accomplish the next day. I do the same shit you do along with what your kids teacher or care giver does. So for you to say that I do nothing all day then you must assume your kids teacher and care giver do nothing all day too because we do the same fucking thing!

I guess your job is harder than the job of a teacher or caregiver because you are saying your job is so much harder than mine. I've got news for you people its not. Let me see your ass sit home with your kids doing arts and crafts all day, playing with toys, running errands, cleaning the house and etc, etc. What's that? Never in a million years because you don't have the patience to be around your kids that long or you couldn't imagine not working oh hmm, I wonder whose job sounds harder now? I spend every goddamn day of my life with my kids. They drive me fucking insane but like any other caregiver I dot it over and over. Except unlike them I don't get a break from my kids!

So the next time one of you assholes try saying that your job is harder than mine remember how much your kids piss you off in the three hours you have with them each night and on the weekends. Remember how much they learn at school each day. Remember how much of a mess they make in just a few minutes and times that by a fucking infinity because that's the shit I do every god damn day all god damn day. Yeah, so the next time you start running off at the mouth with that junk just shove it up your fucking ass because you couldn't handle the shit I do on a daily basis!

How can you tell if your a hypochondriac?

I google things a lot! If I cant remember how to spell a word (which happens more than I care to admit) then I google it. And I know everyone says not to google your symptoms because it always comes up worse than it probably is. But I can't help it!

When something feels wrong with me I obsess over it, no duh its cause I have OCD, but still. But I'm also wondering if I'm a hypochondriac. I read stuff online and I'm like omg I have that! Or I have that. Or how is it possible I have all of these diseases on the page.

Maybe its because I have spent a good portion of my life in hospitals and even more than that in doctors offices. I don't know. But it is sort of annoying to always be looking for the next thing that may be wrong with me. I look at symptoms and say I think I might have that. And I find reasons to say why I'm 90% sure that's what I have. Of course when I stop to think about it most of the time I know I don't have that. So does that actually make me a hypochondriac or just crazy?

How to kill your kids pet fish

Last year on his birthday Tyler got a fish. We didn't get it someone else got it for him. And of course what always happens when a kid gets an animal a parent takes care of it. And that task was delegated to me. Yey...

So for a year I have taken care of this fish. Then all of sudden last month the fish starts acting funny. He starts hanging out around the bottom of the tank. He also has hated me for a year and all of sudden when he started sitting at the bottom he seemed to suddenly be happy when I came around.

At first I thought he was bored so I got him some treats. That didn't help. Then we changed his scenery. That didn't help. I changed out all the freaking water in his huge ten gallon tank. That seemed to perk him up a little. Then suddenly he started showing signs of an infection or something so I got him meds. He was on those for a week with me changing is water and filters more often. That helped for a little bit and then he seemed to get worse again.

As of two days ago he started really laying at the bottom of the tank. I started him on another dose of meds like the people at the pet store said to do. Still didn't help. And after lunch today I found him dead at the bottom of the tank.

I tried my hardest to help that stupid fish get better. Everyone kept telling me to flush him and I couldn't do that. He was suffering and how is flushing him the right answer so I did what I could to take care of him and he wound up dying anyways! Wtf??

Now I am stuck with the internal battle of so I replace him or just move on? It's not like the kids ever notice him except for like once a month. So is it worth the stress for me to replace it? Probably not. But I still feel terrible that he died. He was probably suffering. I did everything I could to help and he still died!

So now I get to flush his dead body and empty his stupid ten gallon tank and find something do with all the shit we have for it. Super fun. Don't ever get your kid a damn fish!!

What does a stay at home mom do all day?

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

I read this blog recently and it really pissed me off. The guy writing it was talking about his wife being a stay at home mom for their kids and I really liked how he stood up for his wife when people looked down at her for being a stay at home mom. What ticked me off about reading this was the comments below it. I saw women commenting saying how because they work their jobs are harder than it would be to stay at home and play with the kids.

One woman said she worked 24-7 because when she got home from her job she had to take care of her kids and that was much harder than staying at home all day with the kids, and this really ticked me off. She went on to say how she made dinner, helped with homework, and all these things in the short amount of time she had when she got home from her tough job. Everything she said pissed me off because she was comparing it to a stay at home mom like she had it harder than a stay at home mom.

Well to the bitch that made the comment and the ones like her who think we stay at home moms do nothing all day I say the heck with you! You don't know jack! While your kid goes off to daycare or school and is grouped in with other kids and gets minimal attention my kids are home learning and getting full attention from me! You get to send your kid off everyday so that some other person can feed, teach, and care for your kid. If you think it is rough when you get home then why wouldn't it be rough all day for a stay at home mom?

Just because I don't head off to the office every morning does not make my job any less important or valuable than yours! I'd like to see your ass sit at home and spend all day teaching your kid and dealing with them and their millions of questions 24-7. Sure I have downtime sometimes but so do you! I'm damn sure your ass doesn't sit down every now and then and take a couple minute break! How do I know that? Because I have worked jobs in the past!

And while I know that working at a job can be stressful I have learned that being a stay at home mom is the most stressful job you could ever have! I love my kids but this is the toughest most time consuming and frustrating job of my life! I know that I am the best person to teach my kids so I stay home with them. I could be working in an office someplace but I choose to stay home with them and teach them to benefit them!

What do you know about any of that? Because you are home a few hours and stressing over a little bit of homework and making dinner? Oh man that must be soooo freaking tough! Try making 3 meals a day. Try not being able to poop or pee by yourself all friggin day! Try spending everyday trying to teach your one kid something new while the other one interrupts every chance they get. Try doing all the stuff you cram into those few hours a day that you stress about all damn day! Sure I'm not cleaning the whole house on a weekend which is supposed to be my time off because technically I don't have time off either!

You think I'm don't have other things going on in my life too? That just because I can accomplish some things during the day that you have to do at night doesn't mean their isn't stuff piling up for me at night time too?

To the person who wrote that comment you are an ignorant bitch. Every job is equally as important to the next whether its a stay at home mom, executive at a company, or the fucking janitor! Why because without the person to watch your kids you are screwed, where will they go without a sitter or school? Without the executive who will run the company? Without the janitor the place will turn into a dump! So don't think that just because you drop your kids off some place with someone to care for your most precious items that what you do is any harder or anymore important than what I or anyone else out there does!

I hope I never have to come face to face with a person as closed minded as this. And if I do you bet your ass I am going to give them a mouthful just like the husband did on the blog I posted above.

I am a quitter

It has taken a while for me to finally realize this about myself. I am a quitter. I have quit schools, relationships, friendships, projects, and even a few times tried to quit out on life. And still it has taken me most of my life to realize this. I look back now and wonder how I could have been so stupid to not see it before, but somehow I didn't.

I have finally noticed this about myself and am trying to change it. I have promised myself that I will finish school, I will get a degree, it may not be tomorrow but I will do it. I have promised myself that I will finish my book, I have a 200 page deadline by the end of August and I will get there, I am more than half way there and I will do it. I am going to stop being the quitter I have always been.

I know the reason why I have been like this. I'm afraid to commit to things. I don't want to make one decision because of how it could effect the rest of my life. If I get a degree in something I'm afraid I wont be happy with it and will have wasted all that money for nothing. I am afraid of wasting my time doing something to end up not happy with it in the end. So instead I waste my time wasting my time doing nothing to avoid making one decision where instead I make another as equally as effecting on my life as the first.

I have figured this out about myself and I intend to change it. I hope that I can count on some of you to help me make this change. If it seems that I am avoiding making a decision remind me why I am probably avoiding it please. I don't want my children to waste away time in their life because they were to afraid to make a commitment to something like I have, so hopefully I can learn from this and start to set a better example for my children.

The votes are in. The food workers hate me!

Ever persons who works in the food service industry must have a direct line to my brain on what order I have placed for food because they never fail at getting my order wrong. Everywhere I go, and I mean EVERYWHERE I go they have to mess up my order almost every time! Even if I'm not there to place the order, even if I don't call it in it's messed up.

Somehow they always know! It's always my food that gets messed up. I guess it could be considered my fault if I don't check the order when it is picked up, but it still baffles me that even good restaurants cant seem to get my order straight and its not even like I make it difficult! I am very simple with my orders, the only thing I usually ask for is no tomato, but every time it comes out crazy. There are times, like at taco bell, I order the three taco meal. It is regular tacos, with meat, cheese, and lettuce yet somehow they give me supreme tacos with tomato's and sour cream. How do they get that wrong? Don't the Supremes cost more and that's not even an option on the board for that meal!

This happens all the time it so frustrating. I should just expect to eat the wrong thing each time so I wont be so disappointed. It is a pain in the ass to have to not only check that I get the right amount of stuff because they love to stiff me, but I also have to inspect each item because it may not be right. And its always my food, I think Mike's has been wrong once or twice, and the other 30million times its mine. What did I do to all you damn food workers to make you hate me so much to mess up my food each time!? Tell me! What did I do!!???

H1N1 Vaccine

http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/nm/insight-evidence-grows-for-narcolepsy-link-to-gsk-swine-flu-shot

I'm sure you all saw this posting on yahoo but I placed it on here because it really touched me. I am big on giving shots. My kids have had all of their shots including the yearly flu shots. The last thing I would ever want would be to think I am doing the right thing for my children by getting them vaccinated and then something like this happen to them from it. If you hate the way America is turning out you can at least be grateful that our shots are monitored better than in other countries. So at least we are doing one thing right.

And I know what some of you are thinking if your reading this: "our shots cause Autism." If you believe that your stupid. Ok, I'm not saying that its not possible for the shots to cause Autism, I mean stranger things have happened. But your stupid to think that the rise in Autism cases is caused by shots alone.

Like there is no way that the rise in all diseases, Autism included, is not from all of our contact with radiation and the other random metals and such that they put in our toys, our makeup, our furniture, and just about everything we use! And there is no way that the amount of pesticides and hormones they are pumping into our livestock has any effect on us what so ever? Yeah right! Why do you think kids are hitting puberty earlier! Why do you think that children are so obese!! We are ingesting all the things they use to make our livestock grow and whatever else they do to them!

And its true that with population growth means a disease growth because there are more numbers of people. But do you really think that our unhealthy lifestyles only effect our size? Probably not! Do you think the pollution we are breathing in doesn't effect our health? I'm sure it does! So maybe you should think twice about eating that beef that has been pumped with god knows what and wonder if maybe that is causing your problems.

Because from what I have heard of the years the shots they give us seem to be meant to heal us rather than to damage us. Obviously from this article it tells you that things can happen from the shots but if they are properly tested something like this can be avoided. And while I believe the shots given to these kids caused narcolepsy I do not believe that Autism in every kid is a direct relation to shots being given. But you know when somebody starts a rumor there is always somebody there to pass it along!