Bringing Nelly back

There's nothing like being a parent and watching your kids grow up to enjoy the same things you do. For me that involves singing and dancing and when my kids and I are in the car that's usually what the whole ride consists of. We are the family who pull up next to you at the stop light with the music blasting and the car shaking from our awesome dance moves! 

I like to sing and hum all the time and often find words my kids say reminding me of a song and the music starts blaring in my head. Well, a few weeks ago Nelly's E.I. song was one of those songs. Lil happened to say something that reminded me of the song (which I hadn't heard in who knows how long) and I started belting out the lyrics. Of course most of what people remember from older songs is the chorus and I've got that party down pretty well. Lil caught on and we were singing it the rest of the day. When it came time to get in the car to pick up Tyler I found that song on my mp3 player and played it for my little copycat and her eyes lit up.

Let me tell you, there is nothing cuter than watching your kid form that perfect O with her little lips as she sings out the Ut ooooh. I'm pretty sure since that day I've heard it as many times as they have ever played it on the radio. My midget is in love. First thing she says when we get in the car is "Mama put on the ut ooh song". And of course I oblige because who could say no.

It wasn't until I started listening to this song with my kid for a thousand times that I actually heard the lyrics. I'm lucky my kids have no idea what those words are or what the mean and that I'm quick on my feet to make up words to cover up the not so nice words in the song. I guess I should thank Nelly for singing so quickly on that track that they probably wouldn't notice the words even if I didn't cover them up. 

I'm not really sure how I didn't notice the lyrics earlier in life, or maybe I did and didn't care? I'm not really sure. Either way hearing his songs and others out there that I listened to but never paid close attention to has alerted me on what to look out for as my kids get older. For now maybe it's just slipping by but some day soon I may have to search for new music. 

Buuuuut, until I feel that that day is here, well I will enjoy watching those little cuties in the rear view mirror as they try to keep up with the beat. Maybe if we are ever parked somewhere and they request DJ Mommy to play that song then I could perhaps take a video and bless you with their talents. Until then...

How to perform the best temper-tantrum

So we went on a little mini vacation this past weekend. It was miserable, what a shocker that was. NOT. Lil of course goes out of her way to make her Terrible Two's attitude known to everyone everywhere we went. Getting out of the car, going to the pool, entering a public bathroom, eating at a restaurant, you name it. She has a temper tantrum ready for EVERY situation. As I am typing this right now one is happening. I'm sure two more will happen before I get to finish this post. And man oh man is it fun!!!

To all those future parents of a two year old out there THIS is the age that blows your socks off. Well at least when it starts to blow your socks off because once it starts it doesn't end. I get to look forward to this for the next I don't know... 16 years? Yup. That sounds about right. Especially if she is my kid, fingers crossed she isn't and she got switched at birth and this is only a terrible two's stage and not my life coming back to haunt me in the body of a chubby little mini me look alike. 

So I would like to count off what it takes to throw a proper temper-tantrum. I mean just throwing temper-tantrums is soooo old school. What would be the fun in just screaming? No. A good temper-tantrum includes thrashing, head banging, kicking, screaming, punching, biting, screaming, running away, and umm did I say screaming? Because what I meant was SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGG. Because if you don't hit the proper octave that could shatter glass then you are NOT doing it right.

I would have Lil write this if she knew how to write. Instead I will give you a play by play of how it all works.

Step 1: Scream. Not a loud throaty scream. You wouldn't want to wear your voice out at the beginning. Just a normal scream will do.

Step 2: Run in a circle. Because no ordinary standing in place scream will do. You MUST run in a circle to begin to get your point across.

Step 3: Throw yourself on the ground. And make it look like it really really hurts. Like bone cracking hurting.

Step 4: Head bashing. Good old head bashing. If you know how to do it right you can even walk a way with a mark. The bigger the mark the better the reaction. Throw your head back, your less likely to give yourself a concussion if it all happens in the back. Plus if you draw blood it will ruin everything if its dripping into your eyes.

Step 5: When you catch their attention... (yes after you've been doing this for a while they don't pay as much attention, that's why Step 4 is so important) You must scream louder. Much louder. This is where you have to really use the throat muscles to push it out. This is also how you can help sell Step 4.

Step 6: Snot. Make sure there's a lot of that. There's nothing they hate more than snot. It makes them want to wipe your nose, and to get that close to you they need you to calm down. So this means you get your way faster.

Step 7: This can be used whether there is anyone near or not. It gives more emphasis on your anger if your hitting and kicking and punching and biting. And it helps to make you look crazier if your doing it to the air. Crazy is something they don't like and will try harder to stop your tantrum.

Step 8: If they do get close to you and you do manage a hit or kick then make sure you stand up in time to deliver the punch and then run off. The hit will leave them in shock and give you time to make more distance to get more people to notice your tantrum.

Step 9: This is the most important step of all. If at any time a camera is pulled out make sure you smile. You really have to deliver it. Make it super convincing. You want them to know that this scene is for your pleasure alone but that you are happy to share it with others.

And Step 10: This should be included in every step. SCREAM. SCREAM. SCREAM. And when in doubt SCREAM

Tyler has had some pretty good temper tantrum moments but the crown goes to Lily. Despite Tyler's excellent head thrashing skills Lil tops the charts by making sure she throws a tantrum at every turn. Like when you make her wait to drink her drink because you know when Tyler has his drink 5 seconds later she is going to expect one then too.

Or like when I tell her no to something she runs through the house screaming DADDEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Even if she knows he isn't in the house. Or how about the time she asks for a certain food but then halfway through eating it she decides she doesn't want it anymore and throws a fit because she changed her mind about the food. Oh and what about that time where she got pissed because mommy buckled her into her seat instead of daddy? Or when she was told to stay in her room at bedtime and she didn't so I locked her in there and she ripped the place apart. And then there's that time where she does something bad and she knows it but she fights time out and throws a fit only to come up to me a few minutes later and in the sweetest voice says "I'm sorry for yelling at you mommy".

Oh and trust me I could go on but my fingers would fall off before I could put down every ridiculous episode that has happened just in the past MONTH.

 This is an oldie but man if this pic doesn't look like a kid who would fight her parents than I don't know what picture would.

First Day of School! First Day of School!

School started last week... Tyler started school last week. Yes. School. He is in VPK which is only half days right now, thank god! I don't know what I would do if he had to leave me for that much time each day. Heck I don't know what Lil would do, three hours without him 5 days a week is rough for her. She keeps telling me how much she misses him when he's gone.

 

The first week of school went good. Tyler didn't cry when we dropped him off or anything. He simply found a puzzle and started playing. We had to almost beg him for hugs and kisses goodbye. And no I didn't have a huge breakdown, surprisingly. I didn't even cry, I did however have to stop myself multiple times from turning around to go pick him back up and I have not stopped counting down the minutes each day that he is there.

 

Week number 2 has been a little more difficult. The first week was simple, I dropped him off in the classroom, he found toys to play with and he was good. Now of course life can never stay so simple. So now the school says we cant walk him to his class anymore. I have to drop him off with all the other car riders. My kid is 4 and I'm supposed to just pull up to the school while someone pulls my kid out of the car? Ha! They must be CRAZY! It's like retraining your kid to think that talking to strangers is ok. You tell him for however long not to get in cars with strangers and now a stranger opens his door and expects him to hop out willingly? I think not!

 

Man oh man. Not only will he refuse to get out of the car but I have to pull forward and park my care so that I can pull this poor little boy from the car kicking and screaming. Talk about a way to make him hate going to school! Not to mention the fact that it upsets me and Lily and one poor man had his testicles trusted up into his stomach from a pretty hard kick from my kid. Well that will serve them, right? I bet that guy will think twice next time before he tries to carry a kid away from his mommy kicking and screaming.

 

I knew I shouldn't have walked him to class at all. I should have just dropped him off with the car riders from the start. Now he is forever going to expect to be walked to class and each day he will be extremely pissed when it doesn't happen. Yeah go ahead and tell me he will get used to it...I know he will, the question is how long until he gets used to it? I have a feeling it will be a long while. My kid does not like change.

 

So for now until however long I get to watch as someone drags my kicking and screaming with tears running down his eyes kid away from me. And each day it will pull at my heart a little more. I know that I cant really do anything besides throw a tempter tantrum in the front office about needing to walk my kid to class which probably wouldn't work anyways. But what am I supposed to do? They should have some way to make it easier on the newbie students. Am I right? Instead they just thrust them full on into this strange new way of things expecting to not be kicked in the balls when someone protests.

 

I guess the moral of this story is that I know my kid is a rebel and he will not be pushed down by conformity. I should be proud of that right?

Have they gotten the message?

How do you know when you have told your kid something enough times? Well I don't know how you know but I know when they automatically tell me something they aren't going to do because they know better than to do it.

For example:

Now when Lil lays down to get her diaper changed she says "mommy I not fart on you." She understands not to fart on me while her ass is in my face. Which it took her a while to be able to control that strange urge and even longer for her to want to stop because she thought it was funny when I would get upset cause she farted at me.

Another example:

"Mommy I not spill water on you bed." This happened one too many times because Lil always thought it was fun to drink water out of the bottle and spit it back in and she always needed to practice these skills on my bed. Now she doesn't spit the water back in, most of the time, and she sits in one place while drinking.

Again:

"Mommy I'm not gonna hit Lily." Yeah that's still a work in progress but there are times when Tyler stops and thinks and remembers that hitting is wrong.

My kids are not perfect and even though sometimes I expect unrealistic expectations from them I know that if they were perfect they would be so boring. But it is nice to see that some of the life lessons are rubbing off on them. I mean Lil should know that she should always keep her butt to herself and not fart on people...unless its a boy, then that's ok...

Buffet Dinner

The other night for my step dads birthday we all went out to a Chinese buffet. And as you all know Tyler is about a picky eater as picky gets. We took him with us through the stands looking for food that he might like. We found him some chicken, shrimp, rice and even one of those fried donuts.

I think he took like one bite. And of course Lil was watching him so she tried not to eat too. Well we all know what a chunky butt she is and she couldn't resist the food, especially some fruit, she gobbled it all down.

We left Tyler's plate in front of him with the hopes that he might be hungry enough to eat. Yeah I know, what a hopeless cause but we had to try something! Now I'm not bragging here but my kid is smart. He picks up on things fast. He saw how the woman would come back and collect our empty plates, or even half eaten plates.

So one time where the woman came by but most of were in conversation so we just nodded to her question about how we were doing and went back to eating. Well Mr. Smarty pants picks up his plate as the woman is about to leave hands it to her and turns back like nothing happened. Of course we all caught it and laughed at how clever he was. And I just smiled to myself and said that's my kid!

Walk tall

Every morning this week Lil gets up and after breakfast she goes into my closet and pulls out my pumps. Its the same pair each day. She puts them on and then parades around the house in them all day long. Clearly for her dress up time has started at a young age. But dammit if she isn't so freaking cute! Hopefully she doesn't fall and break her ankle because that would suck. Until that day comes, or almost comes (as in she twists her ankle) I will let her enjoy herself. But with the rate she is going it won't happen, she can already run and jump in them. Man she is so my child!

 

12 am parties here

Someone tell me why when I try to go to bed at night, if my kids are going to wake up during the night its usually when I'm trying to pass out. They suddenly think its party time and I have to suffer through their party mode until I can get them to wind down! How frustrating!

Or on days where I really have something I want to do, like watch my show on TV my kids decide that night is the night they are going to try to stay up as late as we do. The last few nights I have battled Lil for hours trying to get her to go to bed. I'm so over it. I just want my 3 fucking hours I get a night to do whatever the hell I want!

I don't want to have to help a kid use the potty, get them a drink, feed them, find something to entertain them, keep them from waking up the other kid, and so on and so on. I'm so tired of it! I want my alone time so I don't kill them the next day! Is that too much to ask???

So tonight, let the fun begin!!!

Its a spider

The other day I was sitting on the couch in the morning. I was still out of it because I had just woken up. The kids were playing in the other room. Tyler ran up and sat next to me and said "wow mama that's a big spider". I asked him to show me what he was talking about and sure enough there was a huge ass spider just sitting there on the floor. I don't know how he spotted it because the room was dark and the floor is dark but he did. I stepped on it really fast and killed it. I was so thankful Tyler was the one who spotted it. If it had been Lil she would have tried to eat it. At least one of my kids has enough sense to tell me when there's a bug. I just never would have expected it to be the boy.