Post Hysterectomy Periods

Before my hysterectomy periods were bad. They have been all my life, it comes with the hemophilia territory. After I had kids they got worse. I was suddenly allergic to my own blood and couldn't wear tampons. Yeah my periods turned into a month long process. When I would finally heal from my last period my new one would start. It was superrrrrrr, thanks Lily. It's all her fault. Everything changed the most after her, she was my mother's curse after all.

But now that I have had my uterus and cervix removed a year ago you would think things would be different. I mean, no more periods right!?!  WRONG! The periods still come, minus the blood of course. But I'd almost prefer the blood over what I get now. It doesn't happen every month and I've read that it will get better but when my period comes... it's bad.

Take last night for example. I went to bed with the most minor amount of discomfort knowing that it's that time of the month again. I have been more agitated and hungry lately so when the minor cramps came I put three and three together and figured: it's period time. The pain was barely there so I didn't feel the need to take anything. BIG MISTAKE.  Five am I wake to excruciating pain. Something was inside my stomach stabbing me. My hemorrhoid was throbbing so bad I swore I had to poop but I didn't have to. There was just so much pressure that I didn't even know what was wrong. My back was aching and my chest hurt so bad I could barely breathe. I was sweating harder than if I ran a marathon but I could barely feel my toes I'm was so cold.

I whimpered as I walked hunched over into the kitchen. I moaned as I reached up to the cabinet above the fridge to grab the midol. By the time I made it into the bathroom to try to pee to relieve the pressure I was doing Lamaze breathing. It took everything I had to hoist my lower half up and drag myself back into my bedroom.

My pants were putting to much pressure on me so I changed into light underwear. My teeth were chattering because I was so cold but I could barely see what I was doing with all the sweat dripping down my face into my eyes. I finally collapsed back into bed and still had to yank out the heating pad that I keep under the bed all the time for this very reason. Mike rolled over next to me knowing exactly what was going on. I'd told him earlier in the night that it's that time of month again.  He knew there was a possibility it could get this bad. It does sometimes, ever since my hysterectomy this happens every few months.

My cramps were never this bad, ever. And I had some doozies. Thanks to my bleeding disorder I could bleed so much I'd have to change a pad in twenty minutes. So I know about bad period cramps. This stuff I experience post hysterectomy is not bad period cramps. It's freaking murder. You ever have really bad food poisoning? I'd take that vomiting and diarrhea over the cramps I have now.

You would think after they take out your cervix and uterus that you would be in the clear. I mean no more blood right? And if there's no more blood then that means no more cramping. WRONG. See, the problem is they left my ovaries. They gave me that whole its better to leave them in so you don't start early menopause crap. I'm pretty sure hot flashes and facial hair are a better option than debilitating cramps. That's just me though.

In case your confused because you really don't understand how you can have cramps without having a uterus because you're sure that's where the pain was coming from. It's not. The pain comes from your ovaries and the amount of hormones they output during ovulation. If you don't believe me here is just one of many articles about this: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Period-cramps-after-hysterectomy- 

So now that you have read that to check, because for whatever reasons you didn't believe me. You understand my shock when my first post hysterectomy period happened and I was doubled over in pain. All the research I have done says that after a year the pain should get better. Well I'm going on a year and two months. Not better yet. But maybe at a year and three months it will magically change? Maybe?

School years end

In 14 days my little boy will graduate from VPK. In 14 days he will officially be a kindergartner. In 14 days it will be summer time and I no longer have to wake up every morning to drive my little man to school only to pick him up 3 hours later. He only has 9 days left of school. 9 days! Where has this year gone!? I have a 5 year old! And he is almost a kindergartner! How does this even happen?

I'll probably cry at his graduation. Heck I've already cried each time he practices that cute little song they will perform graduation night. I don't want Tyler to grow up! I don't want him to leave me all day for school, sure I'll have Lil but I wont have my boy. What will I do without him? What will she do without him? Sometimes she cant even stand being alone with me for 3 hours, how can I expect her to be alone with me for a full school day?

Life is moving too fast for me. I swear we just had VPK orientation and now... now??? Now! It's over in a few freaking days! I'll probably still be wearing the same nail polish I have on right now, that's how fast this day is coming! Is it possible to have your kid fail VPK? Like can't I just keep him in that grade and be all oblivious about him maturing and all that? 

Do you know the worst part of all this? He's excited about it! He is excited to be a kindergartner! He talks about it all the time. And you know what comes with becoming a kindergartner?? GROWING OLDER! He cant stop talking about turning 6! 6! I mean the kid JUST turned 5 and already he's looking forward to his next birthday? Jeez can I get a break? I'm not good with change, and I'm especially not good with my little boy being excited about said changes! No way! I can't be excited with him. I keep trying to talk him into not wanting to grow up (you know because it's totally possible to decide to be a little kid forever) but he just wont have it. 

Tyler wants to grow up and be an adult like me so he can become a red Power Ranger. Yes, his dream job is to be a Power Ranger and while some parents may tell their children it's not real and that they cant become a "red Power Ranger" I don't tell my kid that stuff. Because someone has to play the Power Ranger's on the tv show right? So if that's his dream then he can have at it. Although I doubt Samurai Power Ranger's will be around when he's old enough to be one, it will probably turn out to be Zombie Power Ranger's or alien Power Ranger's or something like that. But whatever he want's to do I fully support. And I can jump on board with that idea if he can, you know, stay a 5 year old kid for like 10 more years? Maybe? Maybe longer...

Staying at home...

So recently I have been forced into the realization that when my current insurance expires I may have to find a job to try and afford something similar. The idea alone freaks me the hell out. I haven't worked a full time job since February of 2010. That's 4 1/2 years of staying at home with the kids. I thought I was being crazy, selfish, whiny, and a million other things  because I don't want to think about leaving my kids with someone else. But now I'm realizing that before I thought I was all alone in this boat but now I realize it is a very large boat and I'm definitely not in it alone.

 

I have a few friends who have recently had children and have come to the same realization I have, which is that they may not or can no longer stay home with their kid. It's not practical for them for whatever reason but I'm not alone in my freak-out. I've said I would cry daily if I have to leave them, I have a friend who does that. I said I would put it off as much as possible, I have a friend doing that. I have said I would have panic attacks during the job search, I have a friend doing that. I have said I would go out of my way to make sure I don't have to leave my kids, I have a friend doing that. I have said so many other things about this new reality I'm faced with and I am far from alone in my beliefs.

 

You know, growing up I was led to believe that the women of my time were no longer housewives but incredible business women yet I see more stay at home moms now than I ever have even as a kid. Years and ago it was the only choice women had but now its a choice I see many women wishing they could make. I just want to be the mom who can stay home with my kids until they have to go to school full time. Then I can find something else to do with my time whether its part time or fulltime or whatever I choose.

 

I'm too paranoid to trust many people with my children. That's probably why I've gotten very little time to myself over the past four years. I don't stay with my kids just to be the mom who rubs that in everyone else's faces, its more because I'm scared. I'm scared of them growing up. I'm scared of having to be a grown up and finally making a big time career choice for myself. I am scared of leaving my kids with someone who will hurt them on purpose or on accident. I am scared that my kids wont be able to tell me that something bad is happening to them because they are too young to know how to. I'm scared that my children may like their new caregiver more than me. I am scared that I will realize what a failure of a mom I have been when someone else can take care of my kids better than me.

 

There are like a thousand reasons why I want to stay home with my kids. I hope that somehow my brain kicks into gear soon and I can somehow hold out a few more years. But I really feel for those moms who have to work even though they would rather be home with their kids. I am so thankful that I have been able to stay home with them this long. Sure they drive me nuts but I know that I wouldn't be happy if I couldn't be home with them. I can only imagine what its going to look like when I have to leave them for a full time job. I tell you now, I know it wont be pretty. I already cry and have panic attacks thinking about it, how the hell am I going to go through with leaving them?  Who knows the lengths I would go to try to be able to stay home with them. Lets hope I don't have to work on any ideas...

Don't have sex

How as an adult am I supposed to tell someone younger than me how to live their life when I have done it the wrong way so many times? How can I expect so much from my kids when I wasn't the greatest kid myself?

The other day I was in the car with my younger brother. I try to keep tabs on him and make sure he is doing ok. I know because I am his sister not his parent that he opens up to me a little more. I asked him about his friends, sex, drugs, and anything else I could think of that someone should know about him. I didn't have an older sibling to look up to, but he has two. Not that the two of us are much to look up to but hopefully he can see where we made our mistakes so he can make a better choice.

But how do you tell a 16 year old not to have sex or do drugs when they know for a fact that you did both at that age? I figured the best way to talk to him about it was to tell him what I did wrong. Sure he is going to have peer pressure and he may try some things he doesn't want to. I'm sure he probably doesn't care what I say, he might think I am just telling him the bad stuff so that he will behave. I have no clue. But I tried to get him to understand that it's ok to have fun as long as your being safe.

I can't be there to smack the joint out of his hand, or to toss the drink away from him, or to hand him a condom if he decides he wants to have sex. God its still hard to believe he is at that age already!  But I can be the one who tries to set him on the right path. Nobody trusts what their parents say when they say oh I was worse than you because your like yeah right what could you have done that was fun when you were my age, your like a dinosaur. Well I am not a dinosaur and I did more wrong than right for most of my teenage life. I hope watching me over the years and how ridiculous and out of control I was that he learned to be better than that. So far he seems to be doing a better job than I did and I just hope that doesn't change.

How am I supposed to handle it when my kids are his age and I'm just the stupid parent who knows nothing of peer pressure and fun at 16. I hope that being moderately honest with my kids, without going into detail that they too can learn from my mistakes. I don't think I should have to hide all of my shames from my kids but I think that a little light shed onto things may be the thing to get them through... and maybe I'll tell the lie about your genitals falling off if you catch an STD... I have a long time to prepare for the day I have to have the talk with them but I know it will be here eventually.... so lets hope by that time they have found a way to lock your kid in the closet without it being child abuse, otherwise I guess I'm stuck going the other route.

Reminscing about old blogs

Recently I went back through some of my old blogs, just to update them a little and to take a peek at some of what I had written. It is crazy how much more social I was not too long ago, how I was busy with tons of parties and vacations and other things with family at one point and now I don't have much going on. I have my friends that I still see sometimes but I am not out as much as I was not too long ago. I think I need to get myself back into gear before I start missing out on some good stuff and start loosing my sanity way before I am supposed to!

You can see the evil in their eyes

My gramma says that just by looking into a child's eyes she can see whether they are an evil child or not, even at a young age. Its surprising she even let me live because I am sure there was all sorts of evil flashing in my eyes since a young age.

Did you get the cancer virus?

http://worldtruth.tv/cdc-admits-98-million-americans-received-polio-vaccine-contaminated-with-cancer-virus/

I am not 100% sure about the truth of this, I have done a little research on this and it looks like it may be accurate but who knows if other sights are just copying the story from each other. This article and a few others I read say that the polio virus had SV40 in it and that is something that they found in cancer cells. They are not sure if cancer is caused by this virus but it is definitely not a good thing to have in a polio vaccine if they found it in a cancer cell.

The link on the bottom states that the polio vaccine hasn't had the sv40 virus in it since 1963 but it makes you wonder what else could be lingering in the shots that they are giving us. I am a firm believer on getting my kids vaccinated but its articles like this that makes me question sometimes if what I am doing is right. I got all my vaccines, and so far nothing I have has been linked back to them but I have not lived that long to know. I'd like to think that the CDC would do their best to protect us from something like this happening again but the fact is you never know what could happen. Some things happen that are out of even their control.

http://www.activistpost.com/2013/07/cdc-disappears-page-linking-polio.html

Orajel, its not as nice as you think!

Lots of parents rub orajel on their babies gums when they are teething, heck I know my mom gave it to me when I was younger. You may have even done it with your own kids, if your kids are older already, but did you know that orajel can have potentially fatal side effects? I didn't. I found an article online one day after having Lil that listed some of the risks of orajel and one that is very dangerous.

In case none of you are aware I have a big background of medical problems, one of them is an autoimmune disorder, that has caused a few problems over my lifetime so you can imagine my shock when I saw that orajel can cause an immune deficiency.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/orajel-side-effects.html

The first link I have here is a list of some of the possible side effects from orajel, if you will notice on this list there is a section called Hematologic, in this section it talks about  methemoglobinemia as a possible side effect. In methemoglobinemia, the hemoglobin is unable to release oxygen effectively to body tissues, if this happens then death is a possibility. Now I don't want to scare you because it is usually caught early and treated but this is most likely what will happen if it is not treated. The second link I have is to tell you about methemoglobinemia like what can cause it, the symptoms, treatment and so on.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000562.htm

This third link I have is about the options you have if your child contracted this from orajel. I know this is just something that can happen from the orajel, it wont happen to everyone, but are you really willing to take that risk? There are lots of drugs out there that to this day we still don't know what can happen from them. So isn't it worth it to deal with a little bit of teething pain from your child rather than risk them being stuck with this disease? There are other things out there to soothe your baby's gums, orajel doesn't even last that long so why take the chance?

http://www.orajellawsuit.com/



Your photos can tell people where you live

http://kyeos.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/warning-if-you-take-photos-with-your-cell-phone/

Everyone read this article! This was being posted yesterday on FB and if you are like me you post a lot of photos and videos online for your friends and family to see and that could be endangering you and your family.

If you don't have the proper settings turned off of your phone gps then you could be telling people where you live and go just through your pictures. This is a very scary part of technology that always seems to keep invading our lives. My settings in my phones gps are private, are yours? Follow the steps on the video from the link above to make sure yours are too.

Thoughts to Oklahoma

http://news.yahoo.com/photos/aerial-photos-of-moore-okla-tornado-destruction-slideshow/

http://news.yahoo.com/oklahoma-tornados-aftermath-safe-were-schools-moore-213400287.html

I know I have not posted anything about this lately but I wanted to let everyone know, incase I have any Oklahoma viewers that you are all in my thoughts and I hope that things will look up for you all soon. I can't even imagine what some of you are going through, and I am so sorry this happened. It was a terrible, terrible thing and I hope the problems that happened with the schools being not properly prepared is fixed so that this never ever has to happen again!