Subliminal music

I think my kids are a little young to know what subliminal messages are but they are not too young to be influenced by one. Little do they know that I'm actually training them to be avid Harry Potter fans. On a dew occasions I gave played the Harry Potter sound track for them. Gotten them overly excited about the wizards and such at Universal whenever we go.

I also hum the songs every now and then. And my kids probably have no idea that the song they are out their humming while playing with their toys is the Harry Potter entry song. They have already watched all the movies who knows how many times but mostly when they were too young to know any better. Only now are they beginning to understand and enjoy the wizarding world. It won't be long until I have two mini wizards on my hands and we overthrough any idea of leaving the two parts of the Universal parks dedicated to Harry Potter.

Soon that will be the only thing they will choose to watch. The only books they care to read. The only songs they dare to sing. And its all from just a little influence. They are going to be (not that they aren't already) the coolest kids EVER. And I created them! Take that karma!

Meditation? Yoga? ...Seriously?

I'd say for years I have been pretty much against all forms of yoga, Pilates, running, and any type of exercising anything in general. Sure every now and then I get the urge to "be healthier" to "set an example" for my kids. Well that always goes into the toilet after a while. I either get to busy with life or just plain old give up because I cant stand it. My therapist had told me for years "work on your breathing, exercise, meditate, take time to yourself" and I've always been like "sure sure, i'll get right on that." and I don't.  

It's not really because I don't trust her, and its not really because I don't want to (although I was very against yoga for a while) I just always forgot about it. I mean after how many years of just reacting when you're mad its kinda hard to stop and be like wait I need to take a breath, or I need to remove myself, or even just think about what you're saying or doing. Well I guess for someone with an anger problem it's difficult. Plus when I'm mad the last thing I think I have is some kind of anger problem, I always just think I'm in the right. (Most of the time I am regardless of how I "handle" it.)

Recently though my therapist has been pretty admit about these "techniques". She has been showing me videos and telling me about statistics of people who use these techniques and are seeing vast improvements in all aspects of their life. I took it with a grain of salt and kinda knew myself enough to be like yeah I know there's no way I'll remember to try that.

Except this time I did. Ok, so maybe it was when Lil got mad, but still. It's progress. So here's how it went down. There were about 2 small instances within a day where Lil started to get upset and I stepped into the situation and told her to take a deep breath. It seemed to help pretty well. Well I didn't know how well it was going to help her until a night or two later when I was making dinner. It started off with her being hungry (she's like me, she gets angry when she's hungry; really really angry) so when I was preparing her plate and put butter on her corn she had a full blown melt down.

By melt down I'm talking full blown screaming, kicking, thrashing, spitting, snotting, running around like a mad person kind of melt down. Now usually my response is scream back. I mean I can handle a lot of things but that high pitched scream is not one of them. Not to mention I'm not good with any type of confrontation despite how young the person may be. But I looked at her and thought how irrational her response was. And I just couldn't handle it. So I stopped what I was doing, looked her in the eye and said "Take a deep breath." She did. Then I told her to take another and another and another. And with each deep exhale I saw a little more of the crazy leave her eyes. Within seconds she had stopped her hysterical temper tantrum and was right back to the sweet little girl I love so much.

I mean this happened in seconds! I was astonished (which does not even enough to describe what I was feeling). Here I thought something like this would take multiple attempts, lots of practice, maybe a little knowledge. But there it was, just like that it changed. It was so simple.

HOW? How could it have been SO SIMPLE? I stood there for a moment in shock. I wasn't sure how to respond. I was ready for a fight but it didn't come. It was over almost as quickly as it started. And that's when I realized that I've been yelling for 4+ years for absolutely nothing. I have hurt my ears and Mike's ears, stressed myself, my kids, and Mike out. I have taught my children to yell in response when I could have just taught them to take a deep breath.

So the next thing I thought to myself after the shock wore off was that it was probably a one time thing. I thought that it would probably take a while for them to catch on and do it on their own. Tyler seemed kind of resistant to it. As Lil was doing that he looked at me like I was crazy. And I felt that way too. I'd driven myself crazy for years. I had begun to teach my kids to be crazy and here was the answer, a simple breathing technique. 

So regardless of how hard I figured it would be I jumped on that wagon so fast and rode that thing down the hill at warp speed! And guess what? I have been doing this with them for about 2 weeks? And you know now they do it on their own. Tyler will see Lil getting angry and he stops and says take deep breaths Lily. Or if she is resisting he does it, even if she is doing he does it, and it happens the other way around too.

And we don't just do it when we are mad. We change it up sometimes and wave our hands in the air and then bend low to the ground, we do big breaths and small breaths just to practice it for when we are mad. The best part about it all is when I see them doing something to upset me I do the deep breaths with them and I calm down to. Just like that my blood pressure drops. My therapist told me I should be the poster person for mindfulness. I would be, that's how incredible it was. That's how much I'll use this from now on. And it wont stop there. Eventually I tried yoga and it helps, it helps a lot. Not only with flexibility but just in general, you feel better. It pains me to admit that because as much as I love doing hard labor I hate exercising. But I do it (sometimes, I try to do it more) and the kids do it and its good for them too.

I may not be one of those parents who goes out of their way to make sure every single thing my kids do is healthy but I have been trying a little bit more to be one of those parents. I know, I know. I was probably abducted by aliens recently right? But whatever. I know some things need to change for me and for them or else we are gonna head down a bad path. And I refuse to be one of those parents with an obese kid sitting in front of the TV playing murder video games all day and night. Nope not happening. We will be happy, and healthy, and not killing anyone except for ants and spiders that are stupid enough to come into our house.

The little things...

http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/10-things-women-do-alone-without-men-and-children

A staycation

 

So we just went on a vacation a few weeks ago. I was dreading it. I've never actually got to really enjoy our family vacations. Sure a little time here and there but mostly I'd feel like the work horse and would feel more pain then pleasure in the experience. Not this time though. Sure I still felt a lot like the work horse. I was still in charge of carrying/remembering things like usual but it wasn't as much of a burden this time. Sure the kids still pissed me off a few times and Mike did too but it didn't really seem to matter this time.

 

Somehow despite the few flaws in our vacation all I can really seem to remember is how much I enjoyed everything. Those few bad moments barely even register in my brain. We went down to Islamorada. I've only driven through there and stopped at restaurants there but got was it so beautiful. The weather couldn't have been more perfect and seriously the kids must have been replaced by aliens because they sat still without any technology or napping or whining for an entire four hour drive there and back. Amazing right!? I know! It will probably never happen again but who cares. It did happen, that's what matters.

 

For the first week or so after we got back the kids and I slept in each day and Lil actually slept in her bed all night for a week. That's how exhausted we were from being so active while we were down there. We went boating, snorkeling, kayaking, swimming, tubing, shopping, and we ate till our bellies hurt. The kids didn't really have a bed time while we were down there. We just went all day until we couldn't move and then went back to the room to pass out.

 

I went snorkeling with my niece over on the reefs and I have only done it one other time. But I saw so many more beautiful fish this time then I've ever seen in the water. We were also fortunate enough to be stalked by barracuda, nipped at by curious fish, swam feet away from turtles and we even happened upon a nurse shark on the ocean floor. Of course we kept our distance but it was pretty incredible to be so close to a shark and I could barely contain my excitement while in the water. Somehow one of the few sharks I remembered learning about in school was the nurse shark so at least I know it wouldn't be harming us if we kept our distance. That didn't stop us from circling back to check it out a few times.

 

We went kayaking a few times and man if I think that if I hadn't been so active the few weeks before we left for vacation I may not have been able to get my niece and I out of the strong rip current. It was nice to see that after a second of panic I was able to let my instincts kick in and get us back to the dock. The best part about that was realizing I could do that and then wanting to do more to push myself to see how far my body could go.

 

I was definitely not expecting to have the amazing time that I did. I truthfully would have loved to just stay there forever. I wouldn't mind working at a paddle boarding shack where I could just put up a sign saying "be back in twenty out on the water". Or working at a jet ski place where my job is to zoom around in the beautiful ocean all day. I sure as hell wouldn't mind eating lunch on the dock and even cooking up some fresh caught fish at the end of the day. The island seemed like the most perfect paradise. I didn't want to leave and I certainly wasn't alone in that feeling. I think if we could all have just stayed there we would have and we could have if it wasn't for the guys business. Maybe one day we can make it back down there for more than a vacation but for now I just have to be sedated by the wonderful memories of the best family vacation ever. :)

 

Back to the terrible Two's

Lil turned 2 on Sunday. Yey. Whoopeee! She is now in the terrible two's! Well actually I think she was in the early learning program for terrible twos since before she was born but now its official. We spent the weekend celebrating and she had her Yo Gabba Gabba party on Sunday. I hope that now that she is a year older we can finally kick that damn Gabba Gabba faze because I've been dealing with it for like about 4 years now and its soooooo annoying!

 

I like this age of kids. Its nice to see them understanding what's going on now. Their first party they kind of just go along with it all but this party they understand the idea of it all. They enjoy the singing and cake and presents and it's fun to watch how they zoom through everything so fast eager for the next thing. It was really fun to watch my little midget enjoy herself at her party and it was even more fun going wild with her on the bounce house after everyone left.

 

I just don't want her to grow any more! Can't we just press the pause button here for a while? Yeah I know I'll probably be saying something different tomorrow but for the second this is what I'm sticking with.

Moms and their toys

So as some of you know we recently bought a house and we are doing quite a bit of renovating. I spent almost two weeks running back and forth to bring hubs food, going to home depot and running wherever else I needed to go to get stuff for the house. Plus we have had to make tons of hard decisions like paint, floors, hardware, cabinets, appliances and so on.

It's been a tough process and especially hard on Mike and his body. He was working from 9am to 11pm each day for two weeks. And with no days off. Now he is back to work and will be working on the house after work each day. I do what I can to help out but doing reno with two young kids running around isn't exactly easy. They get in the way a lot and almost make the tasks not worth me trying to do it.

One thing about this whole process that is exciting for me, well with the exception of practically designing the whole house is the appliances. As a mom there are a few things that I do weekly if not daily. A few of those things are vacuuming and laundry. Well with a new house we decided to get net appliances and such. I got a new amazing vacuum yesterday that I spent $140 on and it was worth every penny! I have used it twice already and its incredible!!!!!! In two days my brand new washer and dryer will arrive which I am extremely excited about. They should cut my laundry time in half hopefully and the washer self cleans. I'm sure everyone who does their own laundry can understand how amazing this would be. Its so annoying to have to clean out your washer!

We are also getting a new fridge and microwave. The fridge is like a dream come true. The size looks to be perfect and it has tons of space and compartments made for specific things. And everything is see through and right in front of your face so no more bending down and peeking through drawers to see what's hiding in them. No more searching for a place to put something because all the shelves are full. And no more empty soda boxes in the fridge because I didn't know Mike finished his soda!

I know to some people these things seem insignificant. But to me they are like a dream come true. These few things will make my life every day so much simpler. It all makes me that much more excited to move into my new house to start my everyday tasks to use all my cool new toys! In less than a month we will be moved into our new house and I can begin to use all of these wonderful new things. Times like these are what make me really appreciate technology!

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget how amazing my kids are. Sometimes I only see them as the two monsters who love to terrorize my life. But then there are days where I look at them and realize how wrong I am about them every other day.

 

Today was one of those days. Tyler left around lunch time today to go with Papa so it was just me and Lils. It started out normal with her driving me crazy and me trying to ignore her. But then while I was working out I heard her screaming. I ran down the hall only to find her naked sitting on the bathroom counter with her feet in he water and all I could do was laugh at her screams of delight as she kicked the water all over the place. There are some days where I see this as just another mess to clean up.

 

Today I saw it as entertainment. I helped her down after a few minutes cleaned her up and sent her on her way. We went back to the garage and I began to run again. There is something about the treadmill that fascinates the kids. And today instead of yelling at her to turn away so she wouldn't get hurt I let her climb on and walk with me.

 

Later it was snack time. She threw a fit about how she wanted to eat her food. Sometimes I argue with her because her way is always messier. Today I let her do it and laughed as she struggled but she insisted her way was better so I let her. Playtime came and instead of getting mad at the clutter of toys she left in her wake I laughed and helped her clean up and move on to the next toy. When we played with chalk she's drew all over the place but instead of yelling I shrugged it off.

 

I had a nice time playing with her solo today. I don't get much time one on one with my kids but when I do it makes all the rough days with the two of them seem not so bad. I was able to see her love and compassion. I got to see the gentle side of her. I sat and threw toys and giggled along with her.

 

I know I'm not the best mom, hell I may not even be a good mom but I am at least proud to say that despite their tiny flaws my children are incredible. I may not notice it every day but I do notice it. And it gets me through the days when they drive me crazy. Man I love them!

A day I almost died. Literally

Last night my mom sent me a Happy St. Patrick's Day text. And immediately following those words she wrote "I'm so happy your alive."

 

Call me crazy buy I thought that was a pretty strange thing to say during a text. I assumed it was because I had just been at the bar that had the almost shooting the night before. If plans hadn't changed last minute I would have been there that night. So I assumed that was why she was sending me that text but I wasn't sure so I asked.

 

Her responding text was "this day you were dying many years ago." That was a shocker. Sure I knew that that day had happened I just never knew it to have an actual date. But to know now that it had happened on St. Patrick's day kind of makes a whole new perspective for me to look at. And it definetly makes me want to celebrate it even more next year!

 

I don't usually go around bragging that I almost died. Yeah people know I have medical problems but nobody really knows how much they affected me physically as a child and then mentally my whole life. The day my mom was talking about was a day I contracted 5th disease from school. I went into aplastic crisis and they had to give me to blood transfusions. I really don't even remember any of it. All I know is what my moms told me about it.

 

It shouldn't really phase me to think about it cause it wasn't the only time in my life I was close to dying. Sure I was probably the closest to it there but to think how strange it is that I don't even remember it.

 

My point in all this isn't really to bore you with the details that I almost died when I was a kid. Plenty of people have had that experience and plenty of people have lost to it. Around that time in my life I can remember a very specific girl who lost her life and she was even younger than I was. My point to all this is that for years, and I mean YEARS of my life I have only looked at the bad things that happend to me like I almost died, I was tortured but for no other reason then people trying to help me survive. But I never really looked at any of it in any other way then negative.

 

Lately though while trying a new kind of therapy I have begun to see that time in my life differently. Instead of anger I notice compassion. Instead of weakness I notice strength. Instead of hurt I notice love. I can remember details about some of the days back then better than I can remember my day yesterday. And as I look back at it differently I can see all the positive things that happened to me back then as well.

 

It is all about how you look at it. People have said that to me before sure but I could never quite get it. Sure it is still hard to do but at least I can see it now. I have to remind myself to look for the positives but if I do then I notice that there is plenty for me to see.

Bath Toys

I wish I would have thought of this ages ago! Do you have any idea how many damn bath toys we have gone through in 4 years!? We are down to like 3 now! I'll be hot gluing then ASAP...anyone have a hot glue gun...

How to disown a homphobe

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/father-disowns-homophobic-daughter-in-epic-letter-230436549.html

I am sure everyone read this article this week as it circled through all the websites this week. But of course you know I fully support the LGBT community so I couldn't just not talk about it.

If you haven't read it then I'll give you the rundown. Basically what happened was the man writing the letter was writing it to his daughter who kicked her son out because he was gay. He basically tells her that she is the abomination in the family, not her son. That his grandson was born that way and it wasn't just a choice that he made. He disowns his own daughter because she disowned her son for being gay.

I thought this letter was a AMAZING. It is hard for me to understand how people can think being gay is a choice. It's not. They are born that way! If it is possible for people to be born with a number of genetic disorders, if you can be born with your heart outside of your chest then why is it so hard for people to believe that there are people born gay, or bisexual? There are so many things that can happen to a baby in those first 9 months of their lives that can cause them to be "not normal" so why is it people cant believe that one of those things could be that a person is gay?

We as humans are so afraid of stuff that we don't understand, or stuff that is different that we shame anything that we do not understand. Why? Because we are scared? So what! It's ok to be scared, its ok to not understand everything, but it is not ok to make others feel bad because you do not understand them! It is not ok to shame others because they don't think or act the same way you do!

You see all of these anti bully campaigns out there saying they are trying to set an example for young children, yet we as adults still cant set an example on how to not bully others. So you can't bully someone because they are slow, or fat, or skinny, or ugly, but you can bully someone because they are gay? No. It doesn't work like that. People need to start realizing this and start setting an example for their children.

If you don't want to see to men or two women doing it then don't watch that version of porn, because it is unlikely that you will see those two men or women that gave each other a simple kiss in the corner will all of sudden start humping like animals out in public. Why should it affect you what they do in their own home? It doesn't! So get the fuck over it!

I admire this man who wrote this letter and I hope that each day another person can stand up for someone who was treated badly because he or she is gay. Maybe one day we can finally as a whole say that we accept the LGBT community, I know that day is far out but it gives me something to look forward too.

Ban on gay conversion therapy

http://news.msn.com/us/nj-governor-to-sign-ban-on-gay-conversion-therapy

I just saw this on my computer this morning when I clicked onto the internet. I'm very happy to see government officials actually making the right choice about things. I have not personally endured conversion therapy but I have been in therapy most of my life, and seen quite a few therapists and have experienced some of them trying to persuade me to think a different way. I know this is nothing compared to what they put people through at conversion therapy and I really feel for the people who have had to endure that.

I hope that more states can follow suit in this matter. When will people finally realize that being lgbt is not a choice its who they are? I'm sure it will be a long time till it is fully accepted but I think one state at a time is a good enough road to travel on. I fully support the lgbt community, if you have not already noticed. And in case you are wondering, yes I am bisexual which may be why I support that community. But I think that even if I was not I would support them because it is what is right. Nobody should ever have to hide who they are and how they feel. Too many bad things come from that, we should let people express themselves and stop acting like it effects us cause it really doesn't.

 

Dress Shopping

 

Yesterday I went wedding dress shopping! It was such an exciting day of trying on dress after dress. The women at the stores we went to were not the most helpful but thankfully I had two amazing friends with me to pick up all of the employees slack. So thankyou to Yoanna and Cj for helping me! You guys made it an amzing experience and I cant wait to go again!!I dreamt about all those dresses all night and its gonna be tough to say yes to a dres when they are all so amazing but I have plenty of time to figure all that out

40 under 40

As some of you may know hubs has his own business with his brother. They own a flooring store here in Bunnell called Eastern Flooring Center.

Well of course I am proud of them for all that they have accomplished with the company. They started it in October of 2010 but it had been a thought in their heads for a little while before that. The company has become more and more popular throughout Flagler County. They have worked their asses off to get it to where it is today. They have put in tons and tons of over time and missed a lot of family time to get to the point they are at.

We all understand that sometimes to own a business you must make sacrifices. And so far their sacrifices have paid off. They were just in a local business paper as one of the 40 local thriving business with owners under 40! They are doing a great job and I am so proud of them! If you live in the area go check them out! They have the best prices around and everybody who goes there leaves a happy customer!

Here is their article in the paper!