A day I almost died. Literally

Last night my mom sent me a Happy St. Patrick's Day text. And immediately following those words she wrote "I'm so happy your alive."

 

Call me crazy buy I thought that was a pretty strange thing to say during a text. I assumed it was because I had just been at the bar that had the almost shooting the night before. If plans hadn't changed last minute I would have been there that night. So I assumed that was why she was sending me that text but I wasn't sure so I asked.

 

Her responding text was "this day you were dying many years ago." That was a shocker. Sure I knew that that day had happened I just never knew it to have an actual date. But to know now that it had happened on St. Patrick's day kind of makes a whole new perspective for me to look at. And it definetly makes me want to celebrate it even more next year!

 

I don't usually go around bragging that I almost died. Yeah people know I have medical problems but nobody really knows how much they affected me physically as a child and then mentally my whole life. The day my mom was talking about was a day I contracted 5th disease from school. I went into aplastic crisis and they had to give me to blood transfusions. I really don't even remember any of it. All I know is what my moms told me about it.

 

It shouldn't really phase me to think about it cause it wasn't the only time in my life I was close to dying. Sure I was probably the closest to it there but to think how strange it is that I don't even remember it.

 

My point in all this isn't really to bore you with the details that I almost died when I was a kid. Plenty of people have had that experience and plenty of people have lost to it. Around that time in my life I can remember a very specific girl who lost her life and she was even younger than I was. My point to all this is that for years, and I mean YEARS of my life I have only looked at the bad things that happend to me like I almost died, I was tortured but for no other reason then people trying to help me survive. But I never really looked at any of it in any other way then negative.

 

Lately though while trying a new kind of therapy I have begun to see that time in my life differently. Instead of anger I notice compassion. Instead of weakness I notice strength. Instead of hurt I notice love. I can remember details about some of the days back then better than I can remember my day yesterday. And as I look back at it differently I can see all the positive things that happened to me back then as well.

 

It is all about how you look at it. People have said that to me before sure but I could never quite get it. Sure it is still hard to do but at least I can see it now. I have to remind myself to look for the positives but if I do then I notice that there is plenty for me to see.