Moms locked out

Twice. Twice in a month I was locked out of someplace that my kids were all by themselves. Twice in a month! Never before had this happened since I've had kids all of four years ago but now it happened twice in a month!

 

To be fair this happened when a lot was going on. We were packing up to move to the new house, we were remodeling, and I was the errand girl. And of course things cant ever go perfectly.

 

The first time I have ever been locked out of the car with the kids in it was at the gas station. I had gotten out of the car to get gas, locked the doors and left my door wide open. I didn't have pockets in my pants so I left the keys in the door. Of course a huge gust of wind came and slammed my door shut. Of course my phone was in the car along with my keys and my kids. Its one of the first days it was blazing hot outside and I picked that day to give in when Tyler fought with me to wear pants.

 

Don't panic. Don't panic. That was my first reaction. I tried to get the kids to open the doors for me but they couldn't unbuckle themselves to reach the handle. No my kids cant unbuckle their seatbelts. I'd say in most occasions this is more beneficial than not. I got a phone called Mike and he was on his way. But that was still a good fifteen minutes before he got there because he had to leave the new house drive to the old house for my spare keys and then rush to me at the gas station.

 

I stood there next to the car begging my kids to try and reach their little piggies out enough to pop open the door so mommy could open it. At first they thought it was a game and were laughing. Then I could see the heat getting to them and it wasn't funny anymore. Tyler, being the sensitive one he is started his panic attack. One of the people who were now crowded around me called the fire department. They were about as far away as Mike so it was really a race to see who could get there first.

 

It was basically a tie. The fire truck pulled up and a second later Mike was jumping out of his truck unlocking my car. I scrambled into the car and yanked both kids out. Tyler looked like he had jumped in a pool. They weren't even in the car for twenty minutes. The second the car door had slammed shut I was already trying to find a way in and then going inside the gas station to call Mike and he left the second I called.

 

So just that small amount of time locked in a hot car and my kid was in need of some serious water and a change of clothes. Both kids were fine but that's not the point. I tore myself apart for my negligence. How could I be so stupid? I asked myself. I should have known it would happen. Here I was locking my doors to try and prevent theft of my purse from the front seat and then setting myself up for disaster.

 

Now, the second time I was locked out of someplace was at least at home this time. I had been working in the backyard for a few days at that point. The kids were in and out of the house while I was power washing the front. Soon it was time for me to go to the back of the house. I didn't want to just leave the garage door open for anyone to walk in. And of course because of my two genius kids I had to bolt and chain lock the front door and garage door to keep them from getting out of the front and running into the street. That left me with one way in, the sliding back door.

 

Well you all know enough about Lily that she goes out of her way sometimes to make things difficult for me. That day was no different. I had just turned the power washer on on the back porch. Lil was standing at the window watching me and then suddenly I heard a very distinct click. Lil just locked me out of the house. Well of course being locked in the car was still fresh in their minds so after a few seconds of trying to coax them to open the door they were already calling it quits. Tyler ran to the couch and hid under the blanket to cry. Poor guy, he is not good with stress. Lil of course had to follow his lead so she walked back and forth whining. Again I had made the mistake of leaving my phone inside.

 

When I finally got to the neighbors to call mike he wasn't a happy camper when he had to come home from work early. But I did have to point out that at leas they weren't locked in a hot car. Needless to say that when I had to go outside a few days later to clean the windows I left quite a few unlocked and with their screens off just in case I was locked out again. It hasn't happened again yet and fingers crossed that it wont. I've been trying to make sure I am even more careful now.

 

It truly was the most awful feeling, being locked out of the house or car while my kids sat inside crying not understanding what was going on. I felt like the worst parent and it haunted me for a while. I know it was my fault but accidents do happen but when something like that happens its hard to just accept it. My kids were traumatized after the car incident for a while and every time I got out of the car they would tell me mommy don't forget your keys, don't lock us in the car. Yes, my two and four year old said that to me each time we got out of the car. For a while they even wanted Mike to drive whenever we went places because they were afraid I'd lock them all in the car. Yeah that was pretty awful. They seem to be more ok now but it still haunts me any chance I come close to forgetting my keys.

 

Hopefully I'm never locked out again. I mean I'm sure it will happen but I hope it doesn't...



You should watch your weight

So I see a psychiatrist. She is supposed to be there to help me work through my issues. But oddly enough the last two times I have gone there I have noticed a good increase in my OCD issues.

I saw her in November. When I was checking in the nurse did the usual blood pressure, weight crap, blah blah blah. So after she is done taking my blood pressure she says "Oh hey. Your blood pressure is exactly what it was last week. Go ahead and hop on the scale for me. I bet your weight is going to be the same too." She checks the scale and goes back to her paper and says "Oh, nevermind." I dismissed it. But she couldn't stop there. "Well its ok. You know everyone gains weight over the holidays." Gee thanks. What was I supposed to say to that? Sure its true it happens with most people and I knew I had gained a few pounds. I had no issue with that, not until she unintentionally rubbed it in my face.

The next time I saw her there was a different nurse so no weight remarks there. But once I get into the office and my psych and I start talking she looks down at her papers and she says "So I see you have been gaining some weight recently." And I say "Yeah but I really don't have a problem with the number. I'm ok with it. I'm more worried about just toning my body up." It would have been nice if it ended there, but it didn't. She says "Well you've been going on walks with the kids like I told you to right." Yes, I respond. "Good. Keep doing that. Go for long walks and it should help with the toning and with the weight loss."

Like wtf? What a way for them both to make me feel like a goddamn whale! I know that in no way am I overweight or obese. Sure I weighed like 10lbs less in October but I hadn't really cared. Well not until now. Now tell me this, knowing my OCD background why would 2 people in that office comment about my weight. What exactly do you expect to happen? For me to just take the comments and go on with my day? NO. Of course I can't do that! No matter how bad I want to keep going as if nothing happened I cant! I weigh myself more times in a day now than I had over the period of last year! I count every fucking calorie I take in. If I feel like I have gone to far in that day I wont snack and just go to bed hungry. I have actually gone to bed early to ignore the hunger.

What kind of carp is this? You think I like worrying about this all the time? It's bad enough I have to wash my hands after I touch anything, now I have to stare at calorie counts in the grocery store. I track what I take in on my phone. And god forbid I eat something that is more than 300 calories in one damn sitting I have a panic attack! How was that supposed to help me? I know there could have been a better way to handle my big weight gain. But it wasn't.

I know what your thinking as your reading this. If you know all of this why are you worrying about your weight? Why because its more subconscious then conscious. I don't even notice myself pulling out the scale sometimes because it has become an obsession. I never noticed how much I washed my hands until I had to start applying tons of lotion because I was drying out my hands. I still cant stop myself even when I know its stupid and I don't need to wash my hands. If I don't do it then it feels like an itch. You know how that is. You feel that itch and you try not to scratch it, you try to ignore it so it will go away but you cant. Eventually you scratch it. That's how it is for me.

Over the years I have gotten better about my OCD and have calmed down on the cleaning and such. It still stresses me out seeing a mess but I can control myself better and not freak out. But adding a new obsession on to this while I'm trying to work on the first one is not what I would call helpful. I know it was neither of their intentions to make me feel this way but its just what happened. There is nothing I can do about it now except for to try and control my compulsions.

But maybe this in a way was the push I needed. I want to be healthier, to eat better, to exercise. I was doing ok but I was snacking at night still. Maybe this is what I needed to stop all the snacking. I'm not stupid enough to let myself go hungry for long because then I get hangry (hungry and angry). And if I did good during the day I will reward myself with a little treat at night. So far I have lost almost 3 pounds in a week and a half so maybe this was a good thing? Hopefully I can just get this newfound obsession to a more controllable level so I'm not constantly thinking about it and then I can really be on the right track to being healthier. I know it all starts with the mind....

Is Black Friday on Thursday or Friday?

This was something I actually said to my boss last week. Talk about a HUGE Blonde moment! We were talking about days she wants me to come in for around the Holidays. We went from Thanksgiving week to the week of Christmas so fast I got thrown off when I saw that the Holiday was on Wednesday. So I asked her if Black Friday was on Thursday or Friday this year.

Yeah you should have seen the look on her face. She probably thinks I'm a total moron! I have said a few blonde things to her so I'm surprised I still work there. If it were me I would think the person is incapable of completing their job correctly with how dumb I am. Thankfully my grandpa works there and my brother used to. And she would probably take dumb over lazy any day because that's exactly what my brother was.

I think I need to try to start socializing with adults a little more so that I don't ask any more questions a three year old might ask. Yeah that's probably the smartest idea I have had in a while...