So we went on a little mini vacation this past weekend. It was miserable, what a shocker that was. NOT. Lil of course goes out of her way to make her Terrible Two's attitude known to everyone everywhere we went. Getting out of the car, going to the pool, entering a public bathroom, eating at a restaurant, you name it. She has a temper tantrum ready for EVERY situation. As I am typing this right now one is happening. I'm sure two more will happen before I get to finish this post. And man oh man is it fun!!!
To all those future parents of a two year old out there THIS is the age that blows your socks off. Well at least when it starts to blow your socks off because once it starts it doesn't end. I get to look forward to this for the next I don't know... 16 years? Yup. That sounds about right. Especially if she is my kid, fingers crossed she isn't and she got switched at birth and this is only a terrible two's stage and not my life coming back to haunt me in the body of a chubby little mini me look alike.
So I would like to count off what it takes to throw a proper temper-tantrum. I mean just throwing temper-tantrums is soooo old school. What would be the fun in just screaming? No. A good temper-tantrum includes thrashing, head banging, kicking, screaming, punching, biting, screaming, running away, and umm did I say screaming? Because what I meant was SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGG. Because if you don't hit the proper octave that could shatter glass then you are NOT doing it right.
I would have Lil write this if she knew how to write. Instead I will give you a play by play of how it all works.
Step 1: Scream. Not a loud throaty scream. You wouldn't want to wear your voice out at the beginning. Just a normal scream will do.
Step 2: Run in a circle. Because no ordinary standing in place scream will do. You MUST run in a circle to begin to get your point across.
Step 3: Throw yourself on the ground. And make it look like it really really hurts. Like bone cracking hurting.
Step 4: Head bashing. Good old head bashing. If you know how to do it right you can even walk a way with a mark. The bigger the mark the better the reaction. Throw your head back, your less likely to give yourself a concussion if it all happens in the back. Plus if you draw blood it will ruin everything if its dripping into your eyes.
Step 5: When you catch their attention... (yes after you've been doing this for a while they don't pay as much attention, that's why Step 4 is so important) You must scream louder. Much louder. This is where you have to really use the throat muscles to push it out. This is also how you can help sell Step 4.
Step 6: Snot. Make sure there's a lot of that. There's nothing they hate more than snot. It makes them want to wipe your nose, and to get that close to you they need you to calm down. So this means you get your way faster.
Step 7: This can be used whether there is anyone near or not. It gives more emphasis on your anger if your hitting and kicking and punching and biting. And it helps to make you look crazier if your doing it to the air. Crazy is something they don't like and will try harder to stop your tantrum.
Step 8: If they do get close to you and you do manage a hit or kick then make sure you stand up in time to deliver the punch and then run off. The hit will leave them in shock and give you time to make more distance to get more people to notice your tantrum.
Step 9: This is the most important step of all. If at any time a camera is pulled out make sure you smile. You really have to deliver it. Make it super convincing. You want them to know that this scene is for your pleasure alone but that you are happy to share it with others.
And Step 10: This should be included in every step. SCREAM. SCREAM. SCREAM. And when in doubt SCREAM
Tyler has had some pretty good temper tantrum moments but the crown goes to Lily. Despite Tyler's excellent head thrashing skills Lil tops the charts by making sure she throws a tantrum at every turn. Like when you make her wait to drink her drink because you know when Tyler has his drink 5 seconds later she is going to expect one then too.
Or like when I tell her no to something she runs through the house screaming DADDEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Even if she knows he isn't in the house. Or how about the time she asks for a certain food but then halfway through eating it she decides she doesn't want it anymore and throws a fit because she changed her mind about the food. Oh and what about that time where she got pissed because mommy buckled her into her seat instead of daddy? Or when she was told to stay in her room at bedtime and she didn't so I locked her in there and she ripped the place apart. And then there's that time where she does something bad and she knows it but she fights time out and throws a fit only to come up to me a few minutes later and in the sweetest voice says "I'm sorry for yelling at you mommy".
Oh and trust me I could go on but my fingers would fall off before I could put down every ridiculous episode that has happened just in the past MONTH.
This is an oldie but man if this pic doesn't look like a kid who would fight her parents than I don't know what picture would.
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