Where did my weight go?

Before I got pregnant with Tyler I was slightly under weight, only by about 5-10lbs max. I wasn't starving myself I was just eating healthier and the weight seemed to just fall right off. After having Tyler I gained a couple pounds back to my original weight so I was no longer at an unhealthy weight.

Since probably high school, with the exception of the two pregnancies and that time I lost the 5-10 lbs I have weighed the same give or take 2 lbs. Even now, after having Lily a year ago I weigh the same, the weight pretty much dropped off within days and I was back to my original weight within a month. That's awesome right?! Breast feeding does wonders!

So you would think I would probably have nothing to complain about. Well your wrong! I weigh the same as I did before the baby but somehow I am 2-3 pant sizes bigger than what I was before I had the kids! How does that even happen?

Do you know how depressing it is to look at the scale and see what I weigh and be happy with the numbers but then look in the mirror and be disgusted with my body? These kids (mainly Lily) have completely fucked up my body! The almost D size boobs I had at one point are gone! The thin no flab waist is hiding somewhere under all this fat! My once perky butt sags down at least two inches. And my thighs which were always big (thanks to genetics) are now impossibly huge! They rub together when I walk and if I'm wearing shorts I get chafing there.

Who knows where else on my body the weight has re-positioned itself. But what I lost in my boobs does not seem like it would be enough to increase my thighs and my stomach that much. Its possible my butt could be a different size but with how much it sags its hard to tell.

Trying on clothes and looking at myself in the mirror are very depressing things I have to go through now pretty much every day. So because I am so unhappy with myself I have decided to start going on a strict diet and exercising my ass off! This will begin after the weekend because we have a special weekend planned and I refuse to let my new diet mess that up! So soon I will probably be posting posts about how much I hate exercising and eating salads. There may be some crazy, angry, and delusional posts but please just ignore them, it will just be the lack of food getting the better of me.