I started this blog so I could stop sending my friend crazy hysterical false suicidal texts and just put them out there for everyone to see. But it didn't turn out that way. I was afraid if I put that stuff out there people would get the wrong idea and think I hate my life or my kids or that I want to kill all of us and I was afraid of how people would react.
But the more I write on this blog the more I feel like I am finding my voice and I am beginning to get more comfortable with writing my opinion. And the fact is I do hate my life, my kids, and I want to myself or them at some point during the day. But as if it were possible I also love my life, my kids and would literally jump in front of a bullet to save them.
I really enjoy that saying I brought you into this world I can take you out of it. Because if anybody should be taking your kids out of this world it should be the mother who birthed them. I'm NOT saying killing your kids is ok by any means. I'm just saying if somebody HAD to do it...
But I could never hurt my kids, EVER. I mean I hurt them all the time but by accident (they got my clumsy gene) or because it has to be done (doctor appointments). But that does not mean I don't think about it. If your a parent and you have not pictured hurting your kids then you are either lying to yourself or your not in your kids life because every parent thinks that at least one time. The big thing is to not act on the feeling when your angry or stressed.
So if you ever see me post something about how much I hate my kids I mean in that moment. I love my kids to death but they drive me crazy and sometimes I need to vent, like any normal person! And I'm getting tired or writing these big long posts every day so some days it may be as short as I hate my kids. So be prepared and you can judge all you want but in the end I know I am an amazing parent because my kids are still alive, they are smart, and they are well behaved in public (for short periods of time).
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