Silver Linings Playbook

I just jumped on the Silver Linings Playbook bandwagon over the weekend. I had not really understood what the movie was about, but it definitely was not what I was expecting based on the title. It was a really great movie though. I think everybody played their characters very well.

As a person suffering from mental illness this movie kind of touched home. I can understand what Bradley Coopers character was going through. I have spent most of my life in therapy and when I say most of my life I mean I started therapy when I was around 6 and I have been going on and off since then my entire life. So I have had about 18 years of therapy on and off. And it wasn't until after I graduated high school and went off to college did I finally learn what was wrong with me.

I was about 18 when I finally realized that I was bipolar. I had been to numerous therapists over the years and not one had ever put two and two together with that. I struggled for years thinking that something was wrong with me but not knowing what it was. And finally after over 10 years of on and off therapy I finally knew what was wrong with me. And I finally knew who to see to get the right help.

It has been about 6 years since I figured out what was going on inside my head. And although I am no longer on medication it does not mean I am better. I chose not to be on the medication after a few years because it seemed to numb who I was and I didn't like feeling that way. This is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, and its something that my kids could potentially have too. But I am learning every day, still, how to deal with it and how to control myself. Sometimes it just so hard and I feel like I should go back on the meds, and I know its ok if at some point I have to, it will be for the best.

But what has kept me going and fighting this terrible side of me for the past few years is Mike. I had been denied by so many people before him because I was over emotional, dramatic, and crazy. But he accepted me as broken as I was and he has slowly healed me over time. I may complain about him and he may drive me crazy at times but the truth is that he saved me. He pushes me everyday to be a better person and to try harder to be the person I know I can be. He saw the person I am inside and he accepted the outer problems to be with the person he knows I can be.

And if it were not for him I know I would not be in the more stable mindset I am now.